Avoid the Militant Mindset

What's more enjoyable:  doing something because you want to do it, or doing something because you're forced into it?

For many of us, it's more satisfying to do things when we feel like doing them. Yet, in life and in health it's easy to develop a militant mindset in which we become overly strict and focused on rules that we impose on ourselves. Not only does a militant frame of mind make us overly critical of ourselves and our lifestyle, it also takes us farther away from what we truly want. A lot of times, this mindset can block you from asking yourself what you want altogether.

Being healthy in life doesn't have to involve pain and suffering. The image comes to mind of clocking five days a week at the gym, drinking green-colored smoothies every morning, tolerating handfuls of supplements, keeping up with fear-based research on what food is healthy versus not, and nervously eying the weight scale. Is this a picture of health in your mind, and is this how you want to live?

Ask yourself where in your life you're excessively militant toward yourself. We can all benefit by easing back from rigid and forceful approaches in life. Let yourself have some leeway throughout your days, and see what you can learn about yourself and your health in the process. You may find that the militant approach is stemming from your fears rather than your true inclinations. This mindset often gives us the false impression that we're in control of everything when we're actually nervous about uncertainties in life. Fears and worries still bubble underneath the militant mindset, no matter how much we're convinced we're doing everything "right."

It's easy to spring to the "have to's" and "musts" first thing in the morning. Try a different approach once in a while so you can practice avoiding the militant mindset. Ask yourself what you want to do for a change. Doing things when you feel like doing them, whenever possible, sparks real energy behind your actions and puts a natural spring in your step. This practice also helps you to be less critical and judgmental toward yourself, as well as less punishing about "not doing the right thing." Consider that if you're doing what you want, then it is the right thing and perhaps the best thing for your health. 

This week, challenge yourself to step away from the militant mindset, and see how much more you can enjoy yourself and health in the process.

Only You Can Do It

There are certain things in life that only you can do. Want to turn your health around? Only you can do it. Have a desire to reduce stress? It's up to you. Have you been thinking about improving your sleep, losing weight, clearing up your skin, or eating healthier? Again, all signs point to you. While you may find resources out there to help you along the way, the first step to getting what you want in health or any other area is the realization:

Only I can do this for myself. No one else can do it for me.

Life can offer openings for you to get what you want, but until you take ownership of what you want, these openings may be hard to find. The temptation is often to seek answers outside of you. What book will help, which video has useful information, what did your friend say the other day that her doctor told her to do? Education is important when it comes to health, but the first steps toward getting healthy are often simple and within your control. These simplest measures can be the most difficult to start even though they are completely within your hands.

We're taught to seek solutions elsewhere and doubt our own instincts when it comes to self care and healthy living. Your body, however, offers the most powerful clues on what to do to take care of yourself. When you ask yourself what you're uniquely aiming for, even when no one around you is on the same boat, you're taking care of your health. When you turn to yourself during stressful times and support yourself through it, you're clearer on how to get healthy.

Only you can do it. No one else can. Taking accountability for what you want helps you to own it and to take real steps to get there---no matter what. When you frame your goals outside of yourself and look outward for the answers, the challenging times can feel stuck rather than opportunities to learn and grow. This mindset can lead to a cycle of disappointment and discouragement.

Look at your health goals square on, and ask yourself what you can do. Don't turn to him, her, them, or it. Just you. Are you doing what is in your power to perform, or are you relying on flimsy suggestions from the outside? When you build your own foundation for your goals, then you can use others' advice with more discretion and make it work for you. This approach can apply to any goal in your life.

This week, remember that only you can do it. And then ask yourself what real steps you're prepared to take to make it happen.

The Guilt of Going for It

Have you ever wanted something for yourself, and then felt guilty about wanting it?

It could be an interest, a goal, a dream, a win, or just about anything. It's common to want something and to experience guilt or fears of backlash about it. You might even wonder whether life will somehow punish you for following your dreams.

The guilt and fear can snowball into a superstitious belief that going for what you want is taboo and dangerous. Sound familiar? Let's look at this guilt in an open light.

First off, what is guilt?

Guilt is one word, but it can have many different shades of meaning. The dictionary describes guilt as:  "The fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime." The dictionary says that when you do something wrong, or someone else claims you've done something wrong---you feel guilty about it. In fact, there are many other triggers of guilt that have nothing to do with wrong-doing. Guilt can actually come from right-doing.

Guilt can result from wanting to do something right---by going for what you want in life! We're universally taught that certain dreams are acceptable to strive for in life. It often includes a family, a house, an occupation, a cat and a dog. These desires are definitely important to the extent that you want them, but they are not all that life's made out of. Each individual has unique wants and dreams outside of this picture. What are yours?

It's challenging to go after what you uniquely want, the things that no one else around you is striving for. Thoughts can pop up such as, "What will other people think about this?" or "Am I doing something wrong by going for this?"  You might fear that you won't belong anymore if you set off confidently in pursuit of your dreams.

You may also have second thoughts such as: "Am I imagining the importance of wanting this?" or "Am I on the wrong track and hurting others by selfishly wanting this in my life?"

The guilt can reach so far as to imply to you: "I'm a bad person." or "I'm crazy for wanting this." or even "When are the police coming after me?"

Facing your dreams head-on often triggers guilt as if you're doing something wrong...and sometimes lots of it. You may feel afraid of leaving others behind to go where you want. You may also wonder whether you're hurting those you're close with in order to live your dream.

To follow a dream, however, you have to walk your own path and and not everyone can be a part of that journey. Some people will be supportive. But other people may not be in favor of you getting what you want, and in that case you have to decide what you're willing to put on the line. It's an individual decision, and an individual risk.

Going for what you want requires the courage to face guilt when it comes up. Guilt is a very real emotion, but for many people there's a tendency to want to suppress it when it arises. You may think to yourself, I know what I want---so there's no problem, right? For most people, however, the journey to follow a dream involves personal challenges, growing pains, and frustrations. If you ignore the guilt that underlies going for what you want, you can't fully appreciate and harness the journey that you're on. You may even find that you eventually get a shell of what you want, without the real substance inside of it.

This month, ask yourself what you've been really wanting in life. Has guilt blocked your path getting there? Have you suppressed this guilt? Get to know the guilt a little better and instead of feeling like you're doing something wrong, you might remember that you're actually doing something right by wanting what you want.